this is what I'm making for dinner tonight.   I stole the idea from an article in Self a while ago.  

Lentil Tacos::::

Take some onions (like, 3/4 of an onion, or a whole onion if that's your jive), some garlic (as much as is nummy), half a green pepper (or more), and sautee them in some olive oil until they get soft.   Then put in a packet of taco seasoning.  Then add a cup of lentils, then 2 and a half cups of vegetable stock.  Then cook it until all the stock gets absorbed and the lentils are soft.  Then kind of mash it up.  Then put it in tacos.  I made some quinoa tonight too,  just to add more protein, but it's real nummy.  

Lady Parts Post

This is weird, but I got a great pap smear today.  Usually I really, really hate them and feel like I'm going to throw up when they're doing the scraping, but this one was really great.  Last year I cried because I went and got one and it was HORRIBLE, and I got home and was like, well thank god I won't have to do that for another year, and then they didn't get enough cells and I had to go back the next week and it was horrible all over again.  But this time, it was great.  Very quick. Very easy.  Only slightly painful. I didn't want to puke at all.  I think I'm going to become a gynecologist so I can give such great pap smears.  

I made a tres leches cake for Eddie's birthday yesterday.  I should probably state for the people who read this who aren't as familiar with my food hangups, that I. Hate. Eggs.   And any food that tastes or feels like eggs, I also hate.  But I really like baking.  I  decided to bake the fancy pants cake this time, which I will put the recipe for.  The recipe called for six eggs, separated.  I bought a whole carton of eggs from whole foods; twelve large, beautiful brown ovules.   To do the first one, I remembered how the dad of my best friend growing up used to cut open eggs with a knife to separate them.  I tried to do that, and wound up covered in egg, on account of I  have no idea how the hell he did that.  One egg down.  So I cracked five more eggs, separated them beautifully and carefully, and got lazy on the sixth egg.  I cracked it over the bowl of whites and the inside was completely. rotten. and bloody. Chicken lood. and rotten eggs.  all throughout my nice egg whites. Thankfully, the yolks remained intact.  So I had to crack and separate six more egg whites, which, if you do the math, winds up being the whole entire carton.  Hateful little devil orbs! My house still reaks like rotten egg.

The cake turned out really great though!  

Tres Leches Cake:::

Take 6 egg whites, minus rotten eggs.  Beat them on low until they thicken up and form what Emeril calls "Soft Peaks."  This took me about 5 whole minutes.  

When they are thick and white and fluffy, slowly add in two cups of white sugar while you continue to beat the whites.  Then add in the yolks one by one and beat continuously. 

Mix together two cups of flour and 2 teaspoons of baking powder.  Then add these to the egg/sugar mixture slowly, along with a half cup of milk. Then add 1 tablespoon of vanilla.  Pour into a greased pan (I floured it too) and bake at 350 for 25 minutes or until the cake is done.  

When the cake is done, let it cool.  When it is completely cool, poke little holes all over the top with a fork.  Mix together a can of evaporated milk, a can of sweetened condensed milk, and a cup of heavy cream.  Then pour the three milks over the top of the cake. It helps to do it slowly so the cake absorbs the liquid.  Also, kind of tilting the pan back and forth helps it get into the bottom.  

I usually top these cakes with whipped cream and shredded coconut, though a lot of recipes I found made buttercream frostings with fresh fruits.  I think thats a big much. This cake is crazzzzy good though.  

Becca Dang sent me a dreamcatcher in the mail today.  It's my new favorite thing.  

I went to the petstore across the street after work today, and were you aware that you can get a prairie dog as a pet? They are hella cute.  Big bellies.  Big eyes. Big noses.  ADOORBELL.  I just want to play with cute animals all day. 

It's finally summer in Chicago.  Winter ended like, last week. I don't really know how to respond to that.  

-booked tickets to my cousin's wedding in june. amtrak, what what?
-scanned through four of the magazines i found yesterday. i cut out some pictures that were appropriately sized for making postcards out of, then made postcards. cut out a billion more that were too big which I will probably use to decorate my apartment. one of my favorite spreads was about a woman who traveled across the desert in australia with her pack of camels. another was about yugoslavia, with lots of pictures of little old men stomping grapes with their feet to make wine. another was of mexican folk art. it was kind of interesting reading an article about mexican culture written before the US had, you know, completely destroyed the economy and effectively plunged most of the nation into severe poverty. another highlight of the magazines were the ads for coal, which promised that "in the years to come, the US dependency on coal will only increase." and that to be smart, forward thinking individuals, we need to invest in coal powered electricity. mahahahahaha.
-mailed postcards. waiting on addresses.
-work work work work work. must feed the hungry vegetarians.

today i started summer school.  my lab partner is a hoot, in the totally brotastic way.  like for instance, he says things like "Who has two thumbs and loves bryophytes? This guy," or "Lets go get on that study train." 

the bike ride to school is 3.1 miles.  for the first part of this, i can ride along the lake, on a nice little path, and it is very very beautiful.  then things go bad.  the lovely little path dead ends, and you have to ride on the most evil street everrrrr! it's full of potholes, and people drive about a billion miles an hour.  bleeeeck!  i was super duper proud of myself though, on account of that i rode there in half an hour, and didn't even have to take my inhalor once, so suck it asthma!  

when i got home, i rapidly did laundry.  i'm developing a light friendship with the lady upstairs, on account of we are on the same laundry schedule and are often vying for the dryer space.  its kind of a love-hate thing.  when i went down to  do the laundry in the creepy basement, i discovered the holy grail of all dumpster finds!  about a billion old national geographic magazines from the mid 1970s.  most of them don't even look like they've been opened ever!  but someone dumped their old floor sweepings in the middle of the stack, so i only took  9 of them. if you want custom made postcards, let me know.  

anna said i should put my macaroni and cheese recipe in here, so okay!  i don't really measure things, so bear with me. 

take a stick of butter. cut it in half. put one half in a pan with high sides.  put the other one back in the fridge.  melt the butter.  cut up some cloves of garlic, like 4 or 5, and put those in at some point during the next few steps. it's flex. 

then take some flour, or cornstarch if thats what you have, maybe a small handful.  i have small hands, so thats probably like, 2 or 3 tablespoons.  stir it until it gets real pasty, then put in some fatty milk.  i prefer heavy cream, but half and half works just as well.  i usually put like, one pint, and probably one more pint of whatever kind of milk you have.  

before this happens, you should grate about three blocks of cheese.  you could probably do less but i've never made this for less than a million people, so i'd say 3-4 usually works best.  they can be any kind of cheese. i like to add in some pepper jack, and sharp cheddar, and i've done leftover feta and parmesan, these are all good options.  the best one i ever made was  with the tillamook smoked pepper cheese, that was freaking gastronomical.  

when the milk gets hot and thick, but not boiling, maybe just bubbling slightly at the sides, start adding the cheese slowly.   stir it forever and ever until it melts. then add more.  this process takes quite a while.  i do it handful by handful.  

i also like to cut up some green onions and put those in.  that's reaaaaaal nummy.  putting them in towards the end seems best because they don't get quite so mushy that way and make it have a nice texture.  also, black pepper helps, and a teeny bit of salt, and maybe some cayenne.  

stir stir stir stir until all the cheese is melted.  then pour it over your favorite noodles.  you should probably make the whole box.  

this is like my favorite food ever.  

Sometimes my job is not a complete waste of time.

(I think you have to click on the picture to see the whole thing.)

I made this teddy bear in a latte the yesterday. I followed it with a bitchin' tiger. ZOOLOGY!